I was anesthetized from reality and locked inside a self-created mental hell.
As I found yoga and meditation, I became aware of the mental seeds I was sowing for myself. As this awareness grew my depression, anxiety and chronic stress became a very faint memory.
Yoga and meditation provided a way for me to connect and nourish my mind, body and soul.
Life is never straight and predictable and on the 3rd of September 2018, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The entire pregnancy was a physical and mental struggle. As if exhaustion and endurance were competing like competitive school children within my body.
At week 5 I was diagnosed with severe morning sickness or what’s known as “hyperemesis gravidarum” (which means “excessive vomiting during pregnancy”). This includes several hospital visits for dehydration and the only way to stop the vomiting is to take medication. Although the medication was only stopping the vomiting, I was always nauseas.
I thought I was finally finding a rhythm between having a toddler, serve morning sickness and a being a university student when my waters broke at 23 weeks. I was to be hospitalized and on strict bedrest until my son was delivered.
My son was born and died on the 3rd of September 2018. Jasper was healthy had a great body weight for a premature baby at 26 weeks however he had a condition that we were unaware off. My son was unable to be saved.
As Jaspers mother, I felt like it was me and my body that failed him. I thought I had been through the toughest part of my life already, but I was wrong.
Reconnecting with yoga was not easy. It felt so disconnected to my body, mind and soul. The BEST thing about yoga is that it has so many levels. So, I just started very slowly with very light stretches and quick meditation. Every time I started to give up on my workout session or meditation. Slowly day by day I would build on this. Some days I would give up and others I wouldn’t even start, but I never quit.
Once again yoga and meditation helped me to reconnect with healing, health and self-love during times of great darkness in my life.
I now have permanent access to a paradise within my own mind, body and soul.